Chapter 73

*28th January 2010*

I went to nilai to meet my BFF Izzul Shafiq. Then something came out that night so we went to meet the others. Macam-macam la jadi last night!!! Ada yang bergaduh tp[ that normal for everyone to be mad sometimes. Then ada yang demam la. But they are really good friends. they really appreciate the friendship they had together.

Can you imagine, Zu and Azi can't get back to their hostel because their curfew starts on 10.30pm. The guys sacrifice themselves just to accompany the girls sleeping in the car. Cute kan!!! Dengan Ben yang demam panas.. Those guys are so gentleman and I felt quite safe with them. The girls are nice too. They didn't discriminate or making faces or whatever.

So, overall they are good people!!!

We slept in the car for the whole night. In K's car was ustaz, Azi, Zu and K while in my car was me, Izzul, Ben and Awis. I'm totally broke that night so Izzul pay for my supper while Ben was sleeping in the car. After that, we continued sleeping. Comel gak la!!!hahahahaa...

Right after that, I rushed back home and reached home at 8.00am. I directly dive on my bed and sleep till 11.00am. I wish I could sleep till 6 or 7 pm but my little sister woke me up asking to drove her for ice cream. Then I watch Tv all day long. I wanted to go out but KL having bad traffic due to Thaipusam celebration. Most of the main road is closed for the celebration. So at the end, I'm stuck at home doing nothing!!

Chapter 72

*27th January 2010*

Mya + Izzul + K + Ben + Awis + Hani + #$%^ = MIST, Bangsar

I'm freaking boring staying at home for this whole week since it is my semester break. Every night I went for dinner with him. On tuesday night, K called me and asked if I would like to join them to Mist. In my first thought, I'm not going because I've promised him to go for dinner as usual. But when I asked him, he said just go and we are going for early dinner instead. So we went for dinner and I rushed back to meet them. So we went to Ampang to fetch Ben's friends and then to Mist. Everything being planned was quite screwed up but we still gonna rock the night. Paying RM10 for the parking ticket and had fun in there.

My opinion about Mist :

OK LA!!!!

(but, I'm not going there anymore)

To Ezry : Apa yang best sgt Mist er??? Maybe I xperasan.

No matter what happened that night, I'm still happy and enjoy for having friends like you all.

Moments that unforgettable!!!

After that, we sent those girls back home and then they sent me back too. On our way back. K and I were talking about our experience about ghost and everything. Do you believe in ghost??

Then I overslept till 3pm which supposedly has to attend a doctor appointment.

28th January 2010 : NO BRACES ALREADY!!!

Chapter 71

AM I IN LOVE???

Biggest question mark in myself right now.

???

??

?

My BFF was saying that I'm just totally freak out and doesn't want to admit it that I'm in love with him back just because I just ended a relationship.She said that I don't want people to judged me as a unfaithful or constant lover. But, I deny it!! Because I'm not a kind of loser who will easily get in love back with some other guys while I'm still a month being single. I can love him (I know that) but I need to totally get him out of my mind first. I need more time to enjoy these moment and I won't let any guys to change my routine.

Meaning : I'm gonna be more independent, and I'm gonna live my life although with him or without him. Which I'm doing right now and quite OK. Trying to adapt of the "single" status.

After a day with mama, we went home quite early. I'm home about 6pm and immediately dive on my bed. Terlepas tdo until 7.15pm. I'm quite surprised to find that my phone was ringing, it was him. He told me that he'll be at my house about 8pm for dinner. Kelam kabut I mandi. As usual, I'm a simple girl with short, t-shirt and a beanie because I thought of going out for a simple dinner. When I met him in my living room, he asked me whether I remember anything today. I'm totally forgot. Today is the day he proposed me last few years before and we broke up on the same day. Sorry, I hope you know me well. I'm not really into all these dates.. :) winks

So I went back to change. He took me to a restaurant that really cozy surrounded by trees and scenery of a golf course. Food are incredible with limited customers make it a proper place to talk about our past. BUT, I decided not to eat there because he propose me there and we ended our relationship there too.

NICE PLACE BUT NOT THE RIGHT ONE!!

So, I decided to eat McD. Kelakar jugak la!! I dengan innocent and he's really smart makan McD. MYRA TOTALLY CRAZY!!! that's the first thing out from his mouth. Tapi dia ikutkan jugak. The best thing, we took away the food which we bought at Masjid Jamek McD and drove to Dataran Merdeka. We picnic there. We have done this before while we are still together. Can you imagine mat rempit and ada some families walk by tgk kteorg makan dekat padang dataran tu beralaskan surat khabar..Comel jugak la!! I always nak makan, tengok bintang and baring atas rumput yaang best sambil cerita about ourself dengan orang tersayang. I nak baring tepi pantai ke smabil dengar the waves, must be sweet. KL mana nak dapat semua tu. So we went to Dataran Merdeka la!!!hahahaha.

My future BF has to be that crazy so that we can live our life together, enjoy ever moment while young!! Malas nk bertatatertib sgt da lepas nie.

Then we to his parents house in Shah Alam. Balik sana just to play with water.Nak balik Bangi tapi xde pool..haha.

"gila betul la budak2 nie, nanti demam baru tau kamu semua ini" kata bibik nya kepada kami.

His parents are in Perth so tinggal bibik je dekat umah. Da puas lari2 satu rumah with paip air yg hose panjang gila kteorg terjun dalam pool. I wore a dress and I yang pandai just terjun. Luckilly, tak ternaik dress.hahha.. But, best la. Keluar je pool we are freezing because too windy macam nak hujan. Bibik bagi towel and my favourite hot chocolate Cadbury 3in1 each one for us but we decided not to dry ourself. Nak basah2 masuk kereta pasang air-cond max..hahhaha..menggigil I tapi try buat2 Ok je. hahaha. Xnak kalah kan..:)

Tula kerja2 budak2 yang terlalu bosan. When we are together, we usually do those stuff and he always give me surprises which makes our relationship so strong and unbreakable until destiny break us apart. When he moved to Perth, time, and everything makes us apart. Tak sedar, we are losing each other. A rules of having another partner for each other just to make us happy in where we are makes everything worst. Now maturity makes me realised we can't go against the fate. We just have to do it right and go with the flow!!

Chapter 70

Mama and My Day!!

I'm totally tired today but I can't stop smiling because so many things happened today. I went to Ampang in the morning right after fetch him from KLIA. He directly went back to Shah Alam. Today was my day with my beloved mom. We went to look for new curtain. We went to Janine for table lamp. Then we went to Pavilion. I wanted to look for my i-touch skin, the Paul Frank Design. But everywhere I couldn't find it.

But, I'm looking for the one in pink with heart shape all over it!!

Every 'Machine' outlet will tell me the same thing...OUT OF STOCK!!

Me, mama n my grandma went to Pavilion but we bought things that we have no intention to buy at all. Mama bought Michael Kors and Armani watch. Tamak gila!!! Then, we went to Jaspal. GUESS WHAT..I bought a leather jacket in brown there. Superbly Awesome!!! Then mama wanted to buy cufflink at Raoul but end up with some other shirt and my high waist slack..

I just love it when girls do the shopping!!

My intention was to buy a handbag but I couldn't find one there so we drove to KLCC. Unfortunately there's no one for me there too!!! But I'm most likely love a Desigual or the Miss Sixty handbags. Of course I love the Miss Sixty better. Right after that, we went to McD for prosperity burger...Damn pedas sgt!! Menangis while eating it.

Chapter 69

He went back to see his parents on Friday and tomorrow he's coming back.

Totally freak me out!!!

He just called me saying he bought a ticket back to KL and will be here tomorrow by 8am. Hehe!!! Before he went, he told me that he's going back maybe for a week since he's on semester break for 2weeks. I told him that I'm gonna miss him because he usually there for me to cry on.

Phone call that makes me stay awake =>

Me : "Why are you in rush to come back here?? Don't you missed your parents?? Don't you should stay there longer??"

He : "I missed something else in KL, and keep thinking about IT"

First thing across my mind is he's thinking about his car (from the word IT he used)

Me : "So you can feel it?? I'm sorry, I didn't meant it. I terlanggar divider dekat jalan

tu. Sleepy maybe!! Thats make you coming back right" (with regret intonation)

He : "You drove it??"

Me : "YES, I'M SORRY!!!!"

He : "No, are you ok?? Da gi jumpa doct?? Tomorrow you don't even drive. REST, JANGAN NGADA2 NAK KELUAR!! But, anything bad??

Me : (Laugh as loud as I can)

"I'm joking. I took really good care of it. So, what makes you coming back early,

you cakap rindu mummy??"

He : Memang la I missed mummy but I miss you more naughty girl, myra!! Dekat

sana mana I nak dapat girl yang 24hours naughty macam ni, always nak kena

kan I.

I 'm smiling non-stop that time. Kalau nak diukurkan pakai ruler 15cm mesti I smile longer. He really makes me smile again!!

But why I still can't give my heart to him.

I'm trying and I know I will love you back one day dear!!

You try so hard and I'm trying to love you harder.

I thought of sleeping early today but now the clock shows 3.25am already. I can't close my eyes. Xsabar nye nk gy pick him tomorrow!! After pick him,

I'm going for SHOPPING with mama!!!!

I MISSED MAMA!!!

MISSED MY BFFFFFF!!!!

I invite him to join but he has to go back. Xpela, maybe he's tired nanti!! Rest tau, nanti baru kita boleh buat keja2 gila.hehehe

Chapter 68

23rd January 2009

Yesterday night was my great night. I met someone that I didn't aspect at all. Now, today everything turns good too.

I went back home about 10.30pm. Once I reached home, I'm surprised with the car, perfume and a bag. Macam paham je I need new handbag.

Where the hell I get all this??? Dari langit kot, rezeki!!

Actually, my closest friend are going back to aussie this weekend so he wants me to take care of his car. Apa lagi, rezeki I terima jela!! Dapat balik bawak Volkswagen GTI, seronok tak terkira. Tapi, minyak la pedih!!! :(

As reward, dia bagi la I those things. Thanks dude!!! I promise nothing could happen, nanti I sent to Shah Alam. OK??

So, where the heck am I going for tomorrow?? hehehe!!!!

Chapter 67

Yesterday was my Baddest Day!!!

But, today everything seems good...I LIKE!!!

I had dinner with my childhood friends, oopps childhood bff but still bff right now. I miss them like crazy. During school time, we do all those crazy stuff together. Muka je baik, tp kepala otak semua macam devils. But, we are the devils wear Prada, Juicy Couture, Ted Baker girls. But, I still missing Najah Nadia. We used to do all things together, the good and even the bad.hahaha.

Our night was so lucky, we met Awal Ashari and Jehan Miskin and pape lagi la. My friends are like seeing ghost. Kelam kabut, I rasa macam bawak rombongan budak2 tadika. We thought of mingling around after the dinner but Masdiyana still having curfew. She's the angle and budak pandai la katakan..hehe

Right after we went home, I went to Great Eastern mall. I wanted to buy O'brien sandwich and frappucino caramel at Starbuck

( when I was staying in Ampang these are compulsory for me almost everynight ) :)

And guess what, I met someone I used to love before. hahaha. Budak Ampang la of course. The best part, I didn't realised him because he's totally different. Luckily, he came to me and say hello. Totally shock and I just smile.

Bluuuuurrrr gila!!!

I'm shaking!!! I'm totally a loser.hahaha. He even noticed that. Malu gak la, but who cares. I'm totally impress to see him after almost 2years.

One more thing, HE KNEW THAT I JUST BROKE UP!!! *( stalker )*

We sat for about half and hour and do our talking.

him : You seems like really in love with your ex, then why both of you broke up?

me : Tak de jodoh agaknyer!

him : Why didn't act like how you did when we were together?

me : What have I done?

him : Beribu gambar korang together, blog you proudly talking about him, and the way you hug, stare at him in picture are different. You xpenah pun ngn I cm2? You even pronounced your relationship with love words, X JATUH KE SAHAM YOU??

me : (BENGGANG) I really love him la. I rase sayang and love yang lebih. Time ngn u still young. Da la, bosan la telling about me je. I nak tau pasal you.

him : Melarikan diri. You really good at it, dari dulu sampai sekarang!!

# I da penat telling story about my break out, my BFF everyone tanya.

STOP IT JELA!!!

Then we chit chatting and I have to rushed back to MMU. Tomorrow I'm having my calculus paper. But once I reached MMU, Ezry called. Invite for shisha, ape lagi OK jela!!! Me, Ezry, Zul and Rahimi.

Chapter 66

MY BAD DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aaarrrgghhh, what is my fault...yelling, screaming and crying. Today its full of those things.

Sabar jela, itulah dugaan tuhan kepada hambanya. That's all I can say. Nothing good turn out today, I have no idea why its all happening on the same day.

Fatin said " Myra beran...gan (berangan) banyak sgt". Entah la!!! Thinking to much maybe.

Everything starts from the clock ticks to 12am. Everything go upside down already.

1.

My backbone are killing me. Maybe because of those thingy, this is the effect. REALLY DAMN HURT!!! I just felt like going back home last night. I just need my mom!!! But, since today morning I have Physic paper to attend I try to be strong. But, I can feel the pain like being screwed.

2.

I woke up late for Physic paper this morning which make me clumsy and unorganised. Tunggang langgang dibuatnya!!! Mandi pun cam entah la!! no comment.

3.

Since, I woke up late. I drove to MPH (exam hall). Once I reached there, the parking area was closed because they gonna use the parking bays for shooting. Masa ni la nak shooting menda!! I have to parked further down from the hall.

4.

I parked my car was quite a distance, so I'm totally late for exam. I masuk je exam hall, everyone was there. Trying to be cool lg.

5.

The time I want to start writing, my pencil buat hal. Luckilly I have extra pencil in my bag. So I went to my bag for the pencil. Opps lupe, I have to walk to my bag a few times just because of those thing. I forgot to take my Id card la and etc. CLUMSY!!!

6.

THE WORST!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE DOING PHYSIC PAPER WITHOUT CALCULATOR???

That's how my story starts. My calculator was in my room. Menangis jela tgk paper tu!!! Seriously, I cry!! I ask the lecturer for permission for me to borrow anyone outside the hall. But he don't allow me. FRUST SGT!!! So I cry. My answers everything is not fully done. Ways to get the answers ada, tp jawapan xda. Gila kan!! Imagine I know this question badly and carries 4 mark. It need to use sin rule. I nak tekan celak mane lak sin nyer. Yang radiaoctivity, I nak tekan 'e' sign mane lak..memang nangis la

WELCOME PHYSIC 2!!!

7.

Then I rushed to exam unit because the dateline to submit MUET form is today. I went out from a junction without brake and main jalan je. nearly nak langgar this one kelisa. SORRY BABE!!! Fatin bising gak la. I mengelamun and too much thinking I think.

8.

After tense of doing physic without calculator. We went to Old Town for lunch. i ordered chicken chop. Xsedap!!!! The gravy are so big no no no. Damn fucking sweet!!! LAPAAR PUNYA PASAL, bedal jela!!! tp xabis pun

9.

MMU parking bays are limited, so usually if I can't have parking right infront my block. I'll park somewhere behing the hb3 foodourt. Sampai je, that area was full too. So I have to turn back and parked at surau. So I have to walk to my block. ehmm..

So that's how my bad day ends. Now dekat dalam bilik. I thought of going to library to study. But I'm trauma to go out for today. I'm going to stay all day long inside my room..

Hoping for better day tomorrow!!!

Chapter 65

This week are my final 2nd trimester exam. So busy screening books. After exam, had lunch then sleep. After that online facebook and ym all the time while studying. Tu jela routine on exam weeks. Boring and I xkeluar gy mane2 pun. Now, I'm a hostel girl. I da xkeluar everynight because busy being in library and

study

study

study

study

study

My 1st record after ever since ever la...

* I didn't top up my handphone a single cent after 2 weeks and until now I still have plenty of them to use.. The last top up was just RM10. Sungguh jimat dan berbaloi!! *

Continue study...........

wait for my chapter during 1 week semester break.. :)

Chapter 64

*Ghost Hunting*

Mya + Fatin = FCM Building

Fatin and I when to Seri Kembangan because I have to submit my PCA assignment by 8.00pm. I had printed my assignment but I left the table of content page unprinted. So i have to rush to Seri Kembangan area without any direction to any of printing shop and binding. Time shows 7.10pm. I'm not sure that I could make it by 8.00pm but I really try to. Then after printing and binding the assignment from shop to shop, we move back to MMU.

Once we reach MMU watch shows 8.05pm. We rush to FCM building.

Keluar from lift to level 2, GELAP GELITA.

MMU memang kedekut in paying current bill.

Ade ke patut the whole building from level 1 to 3 not even a single light being turn on

Bayangkan la both of us xnampak ape2 pun, just meraba2. Then we have to move to level 3 because lecturer is not in her room. So I decided to place the assignment in her pegion hole. Naik je kt level 3, sama je. Lagi la gelap. We can't even see the label on the pegion hole. We hav eto use handphone to have some light. Cuak gak la!! Da la tnggu lift quite long.

Proven we are strong and brave girls. hahahaha!!

Chapter 63

Tonight is a great night.

mya + fatin + faris + zou + zulhilmi + syafiq + zulhusni + aziee + amal + rayzal + lisa + baba = Siti Hasmah Library, MMU

All of us are studying in the library dengan khusyuk nyer. Konon nyer la!! Thanks to Faris and Fatin for teaching me calculus. Then suddenly, there is this one foreigner student came to my table and ask me to teach him calculus. Biggest mistake!!! Mu

ka I ade mcm calculus experts ke????? Then dengan muka xmalu nyer I pass over the question to Sham and Faris whose sitting next table to me. Then it's their responsibility to settle the question. This semester, I feel like just fail the calculus subject on purpose because I hate this subject so damn fucking double triple much.

About 2am I felt really hungry. So I and Fatin decided to borrow Aziee's car to Cyberia. Then Aziee told us that her car's tyre was flat.

The gentleman Faris and Zul quickly came to us and help us to change to the spare tyre. The Charlies Angle " mya + fatin + zou " give them a hand. Tapi I salute to Zou because she's totally kuat, kalah zul and Faris..

Zou the " Wonder Girl "

Zul macam nk curi tayar je!

After changing the tyre, we went to Cyberia and buy all the food. We picnic all together outside the library. Sweeet!!!! Picnic under the moon light and bawah pokok2. I love my friends so much. Miss Nina is totally true, Engineers guy are more gentleman than IT guys. IT guys just want to play around. Xpela, enjoy your life. Nanti terbalik sendiri!!

Tonight was a great night. We all are the burung hantu at MMU. Our time has change, we sleep when the sun is out and sleep when moon appear. Last night, I went back to my room almost 7am. And tonight undecided yet. Hopefully, earlier.

Nak tido!!!

Chapter 62

I have been mourning since the day I lost someone that I really in love with. He changed because some other girl took his heart. I have never thought I'm gambling with his heart while being with him. I trusted him with all my heart because he say he need my trust. He said my trust is important for our relationship but at last, he betray my trust. I felt lost and totally scrap in his life. Just in few weeks he had someone else replacing my place.

We used to feel the love, but now its only memories,

I wish I could forget everything about you,

Now, you are further than me, and I miss you,

I've try so hard to look for your replacement,

But I can't give my heart to them.

What else I could say,

Thanks for making my 2009 being with you are the sweetest thing I had before. After 32 guys, you really changed me and make me realise the existance of

true love!

Although, the feeling doesn't come from your heart but I felt it with you.

Thanks!!

I'm gonna miss you so much and still loving you.

I'm still can't give over my heart towards other guy

Good luck in your next relationship.

I'm sincere with this.

You said to me :

When we love someone, it doesn't mean that we have to be together. Seeing her happy makes us happy too

Now I'm saying :

It doesn't mean we are not together or keeping silent makes me happy. I try so hard to shine my day back, even when I'm having fun with my cliques you are still haunting me. But, I know you're happy with your love ones. Seeing you happy is the best chapter in my love story. Since we were couple till this day, nothing else I want rather than seeing you happy and I had never judged your love before because I trusted in you!

Chapter 61

I LOVE MY CHILDHOOD BESTFRIENDS!!!

I'm not in a really good condition for the last few days so we decided to hangout together since Wanie is having her two weeks break. Rindu gila kt korang sume. I fetch them at Ampang ( where I grew up )..Tersangat la rindu kt Ampang area and OMG Ampang having really bad traffic.. Benci!!

We went to Mid valley since everyone are tired enough with Bukit Bintang and KLCC. Best la!! I really miss them so much. I even impress because they still care about me and always stalk on me..

ILOVEYOU!!!

They remind me not to be so naughty and be a good girl for the fu

ture. Sayang la korg!!

At mid valley, buat bodoh jela!!! Since nk tgk wayang, we have to line up till McD. Gila la panjang! So we had lunch at Madam Kwan and

decided fo

r karaoke at Red Box, Gardens. Itu pun lagi satu masalah, Entah la asl ngn Mid Valley nie. Then we went to GSC Gardens for movie. Pun full je. At last, gy solat asar kt jusco..Pun la ramai!! nk amek wuduk kne beratur dua line. ish ish...

So we moved out from there and went to Bangsar's mosque for prayer. Time dekat traffic light, ader la this one guy in his car whose betul2 besides my car tergelak2. And was looking at us. Luckilly, all of us are single since everyone keep being victims to guys so melayan la and even take picture. Bukan main seronok mamat tu!!

After that, we went to Tasik Titiwangsa. Amal's plan because dia malas nk balik lgi. That time ade drama when this couple kne mara at public because buat maksiat. Ade ke patut, kalau iye pun go and get a room. Malu la couple tu, da la bertudung!! On our way walking to car, kene kejar with a group of guy yang tgh main boat dekat tasik. Kejar just to talk..Mabuk pe..And, ada this whole car penuh dengan mamat mane entah la stops their car and jerit2 panggil kiteorg. Da la that time I tgh panjat kerusi coz nk main2. Malu la sangat. Tpi I kisah ape, I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not. Then we moved back home. I kne la hantar dorang kat rumah maisng2..

Hah!!! Lupe nak bagitau, sampai je rumah Maz. I drop jela dia, I buat je u-turn nampak " TAUGE " kluar umah..The best part, Maz wait for me to make the u-turn just to inform me that is 'tauge' ( his brother ). Pape la!! Gelak nak pecah perut dalam kereta. Teringat time skolah dok usik2 ngn tauge..kahkahkah..

Then I sent Amal and Wanie. Right after drop Amal, I and Wanie baru leh contact Kamil ( my ex-bf ), he's studying in UITM for culinary arts. Kenduri kahwin nanti da ader membe leh tolong masak kan. If kahwin ngn dia pun bagus gak..Kamil hunnybunny jela yg masak kn utk I. Baru la sayang lebih..hehehhe

So that's all for my chapter 61. Happy Ending!!! At last, after last few chapters of mourning, tears, shouting, yelling, blaming, hurting and emotional statement. Now I'm living my life. I'm a cool girl, not like he said. mmuuuaah!!!

xoxo

Chapter 60

After so many weeks be in mourning of breaking up with a guy who are just playing a girl heart. I decided to live my life as what he did. He enjoy his life and not being responsible for everything that happened so do I. I'm gonna make my life more meaning full than with him. Being with him is just the biggest mistakes I've made because he's not truely love me. He's just an actor whose pretending to love someone. A pathetic like him doesn't deserve me because he just deserve sluts and bitches along the streets. Maybe one day he will learn the lesson by being such a loser and just a guy with a dick but doesn't really know how to use it properly.

I'm just thankful because I knew the real him earlier than later. So now I'm single and gonna live my life meaningfully and useful.

You are just a normal guys that I met since school time who are pretenders who try to be someone they are not. All this happened because of wrong friends and influence to the bad side. He wants to be cool and do more sins. So go to hell la babe if you want to live your life with sins. Just try to ask for forgiveness from the god for your sins of not obey to his rules because I believe god always give chances to their weak ones. But you are not going to get my pardon for making my life miserable and you know what you have done. Until you realise and be a matured guy and know to differentiate between the good and the bad, maybe I'll forgive you. For know I still not gonna forgive you unless you give back what is mine.

Me and my friends went to Alamanda for AVATAR. Gila la bosan punya cerita. Watching that movie makes me a full time boredom. Menguap tak ter

kira banyaknyer!!!

Chapter 59

Sometimes it's wrong to walk away
Though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
You just want to change the way the world goes round

Tell me
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see
That's the way I feel, about you and me... baby
Have you ever felt that your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know...
Cause I loved and lost the day I let you go

Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I've finally realised
It was forever that I've found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round

I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see
Even though the moments gone I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round

* No matter how hurt I am when you move out from my life without any specific reasons, I still have to move on with my life as how you did with yours. This year should be a year for me to fix everything that wrong and wish for a better year. You said that you need space for yourself and you're not sure about your feelings towards me anymore. You need time as you said to me before, so I'm giving you time as much as you need.*

Chapter 58

Things to be said during 2009.

My 2009 resolutions doesn't goes well like I planned. But, I'm really glad because there are still wonderful people I met and make my day and night so enjoyable.

SYAZA, BANIE, SHAZ, FATEN, RIJAL, AZIEE...

My MMU friends are just great. They always be there when I need them.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU BECAUSE YOU ROCK MY 2009..

Last but not the least important to me is KIPP ESA. He make me proven to myself that I'm a loyal girl and I do really can love a guy with all my heart without any difficulties. Admitting that I'm belong to him never be something to regret or problem for admitting. I'm even proud to tell the whole world that he's mine and how deep my love is. But our relationship ends in the middle of the way. I'm so down but this is part and parcel of life. I took the challenge to improve myself but I still can't deny still hoping for him. Kalau ada jodoh xgi mane2 kn. I believe in that. Thanks for making me happy although for awhile.

To Kipp : Thanks for changing me and loving me before

To Rijal : Thanks for lending your ears when I talk about Kipp

To Syaza : Thanks for being such a good listener.

To Shaz : Thanks for so patient listening I non-stop yelling saying wants Kipp everyday

To Faten : Thanks for trying so hard to make me happy

To Izul and Zu : Thanks for helping solving my problems

To the others : Thanks for being so caring about me

Chapter 57

I just want to say sorry to my family especially my mom n dad.

SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A NAUGHTY GIRL!!

I've promised that I'll proved to you that I'm trusting the right guy and will never let you down for what we have done. But, I was wrong. I made a mistake. He changed right after our mistakes. Or maybe that is just him but I didn't realised. I have no one else other than my family. I love you so much mama and papa. I am really sorry. I want both of you to know, there's nothing else I need right now than both of you. Please let me finish my studies. I want to proved that he's making the biggest mistake in his life for letting me go and not being responsible for what had happened. I just think moving somewhere else is a great idea. I don't belong to be here, here is not where I have to be. Mama always said.. if we want to do good things, never think twice but if we want to do bad things, think of the consequences whether we are ready to go through it. I thought he already ready for all this and matured enough. Memang betul la lelaki lambat mature. Tu pasal still pikir nk enjoy 24hours. Kalau xder responsibility leh la nk enjoy je, nie nak lari2 lak. ENTAH LA!!! Allah tu sangat adil and tahu ape sebenarnye yang berlaku and apa ada dalam hati someone. People said "Let him go and if he come back for you, he's yours forever". I think and I can feel that he won't come back. Because he still didn't understand the meaning of love. Dulu dia ader ckp yg I senang sgt say 'sayang' but now I tau yg dia sebenarnye xtau maksud 'sayang' tu. Mama and papa, I'm really sorry. I know that mama always stalk my blog, fcebook and myspace for updates. I know you gonna read this, email to papa and print this in case papa didn't realise the email. Nothing else I want to say than I'm sorry!!! I'm really sorry for letting both of you hurt. For what had happen is not because both of you didn't take good care of me. It's just I've choose the wrong route.

BOTH OF YOU ARE THE GREATEST PARENTs IN THE WORLD!!

I'm totally blank right now, I just miss you mama.. I want us to talk and discuss like friends before. I'm sorry for making you cry, nothing hurts me more than seeing you cry.

Chapter 56

Today it is my luckiest day in 2010 because I knew the truth of him. Although there are so many fishy sign about him, I still trust and love him for the whole of my life. He ruin my life and make my life miserable but today I realised that he doesn't deserve me. He just want to hang around, flirt, and mingle with girls. Girls should understand what the fuck am I talking about. He's such a sweet talker but he's not really in love with you. Trust me, now I knew that I can meet those species out there easily.

Never mind, you can keep playing my heart or keep cheating on my back. Just remember, this world is round and everyone will talk about people who they knew. And I heard about you too. Keep lying me dear because I love it. Keep having affair on my back, because I love it too. What you have done will come around, trust me...I've been through all this.

WISH YOU LUCK AND HAPPY WITH YOUR 2010 LIFE..

keep cheating girls, ok??? cool la babe!

Doing those things are really UPTOWN BOYS thingy!!

Who knew me well, will understand who the hell am I talking about!!!hehehe..mmmmuuuaaahh!!!

sincerely from my heart

myra mokhtar -xoxo-

Chater 55

GOODBYE 2009, WELCOME 2010!

This is what I'm talking about. I want this year to starts in a good way. 2009 was quite bad for me but there's still good things happened actually.

19 years in this world make me wondering how old I am in this world already. Now it's time to be matured like a 19 girl. Before that mya + kipp + rijal = Curve celebration.

Enjoying every single seconds of last teenage year and never forget to study. *winks*